There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
