I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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