do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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