Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Sorry about my life...
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