He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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