forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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