yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
