STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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