I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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