it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
foreskin is a definite game changer
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
