my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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