we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
