That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize