its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
