She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
