Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
