I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.