Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth