I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.