Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
