i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
