k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
