Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
