I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
