So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
