Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
