I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
