To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
