I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
