Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
