so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
