Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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