member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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