he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize