Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
