I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
