No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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