I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
