very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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