this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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