I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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