well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
