he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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