why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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