Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
