Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
