woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
