This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
