You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize