then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
