If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
