Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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