dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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