I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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