How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
