So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
