I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
