I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
