I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
