I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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