not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
