did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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