at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
