We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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